Monday, April 7, 2008
so im in these mountains, supposedly on a cruise ship, or some form of entertainment.... and im on an elevator with 3 or 4 people. we are on our way to the 8th floor, but another child in the elevator (whom was an indian child) said calmly that the elevator was sending its signal to iraq and that the elevator was not going to work properly. the elevator begins to drop and we fall trough the ship. the people jump out, i just close my eyes as we fall through the sky and im looking at mountains i saw on a These are Powers myspace bulletin..total escape mountains. we fell into the water and the only people who lived where me and the other indian. the scary thing is i feel socially awkward when i am around people of other ethnicities sometimes because i feel they are always looking down on me.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
i do not know where i fit in al of these demographics/ cultural vibrations. i fit no means to an end. you know like, conspiricy theories. i just saw a girl who was kissing another guy wink at me from 60 yards away, now i know what to do. its almost a perfect cheese ball setting with this crazy porch light on and then here are these two young adult totally making total adult xxx but soft as fuck love in this light. and here i am chasing a black cat. this cat followed me down 3 blocks and then i picked her up and she hissed at me, but shes never done that before. i realized at that moment that i will probably not be this way for ever, like in this weird sort of "bear" state. but more like atlas. today i played drums like machine guns for some friends on their nintendo wii internet tv. and they said it was horrible and i realized that all of my life had just gone down the drain about thinking that this would change the world, and that i should not be afriad to express my feelings. that thought i realized after typing my last thought. this is all simple math and i always feel like i am talking as if i am being filmed// in this moment i am thinking of robin williams and the sex scene i whitnessed outside with the winking and how i related that to a movie.
i feel like i have really lost a good chunck of reality, i cant even really speak type i cant really do anything? i feel useless even trying to descirbe but here i am sitting and i feel compelled to trhis i have to no good reason i just have to. i am a human being struggling with society and here i said strict uptight and impaciently i feel like that was a quote. everything i feel and see feels as numbers i cant keep looking back and i feel like i am stuping over and i am short of mental breath its gasping one thing dor sure i need to stop smoking, just like aids wolf right? theyre a good band im not even a musician. i have a painting behind me and i realized i am a quitter, but it is not even my canvas it is my roomates and he painted over it, and i feel he is also a quitter but now in some way im feeling that i am accomplishing the verbage trying if thats real in the world i am living in right now at 3 37 morning. i have this feeling about all these eyes and all these thoughs kinda floating in the air, like that one part in star wars, the newer ones, but i think it was the first of the new ones, I, episode one. well yeah there, because i think i am in art school, its horrible, but totally over positive? but in a secluded way. its like pick pocketing,---think about it? right? i am having visions of all these lost souls so many in the club. this big play house and hopeless romantics with 13 things on their mind all ening in -ing. i know it bit of an old saying but why are we all here i should stop complaning i have nothing to complain about. but what the fuck is expressing then? is expressing your feelings only just complaining?